Mental Battle

So in my first blog I gave you some background of my weight loss journey and I’ll continue to touch on that, but for now, I want to touch on the things no one told me about when I started running.  

First, running is not just physical, but the mental exercise is the bigger battle.  A friend of mine is also trying to drop a few pounds and he and I talked about running and when I explained the “mental battle” to him he said “wow, I had no idea”.  I feel like that’s because no one really talks about it.  No one really comes out and says “I have to fight myself every time I run.”  What you see are all the happy FB and Instagram posts, or the screenshots of the fitness apps that show the time, pace and mileage.  You yourself may be a runner so you know what I’m talking about.  Or maybe you have other friends that run.  You get to see the selfie posts of “enjoying some sunshine on my run” or “hey I have a new best time”, things like that.  But, if you’re like me, you wonder “what happens during/after that run though?” and “how do they go so fast?” or “why run at all?  Running sucks”.  Well here is my honest take on what happens during and after I run.

During the run my brain immediately tells me “Knock it off”.  I mean, this happens to me the very moment I start.  “You’re going too fast”, “Slow down”, “Your asthma needs you to take it easy”…. Lies. All lies.  You have probably heard that golf is the tough sport to actually play because it’s you vs. you.  While that maybe be true for some, in my opinion (because I have played golf…terribly), running is the hardest thing you can do physically and mentally.  It shouldn’t be though, right?  I mean, put on sneakers and just go, how hard can it be?  If you are not moderately active, your body hates you the moment you start.  For me it is an entire process.  Being a 32 year old with excess weight, I have to stretch a lot or I just won’t make it.  My shin or calf will feel like it’ll explode if I don’t stretch first and that pain can derail not just your run but your whole day.  The moving of my legs is the easy part.  One foot in front of the other but faster than you walk…sounds easy right?  For me, it’s the battling your own head that’s the tough part.

Most people pop in headphones and listen to music.  They might hum or singing along as they go to keep distracted.  Some listen to books on tape.  When I run outside I listen to music. When I run on the treadmill in the gym or at home, I watch Netflix on my phone.  Oh and if I pass by someone when running outside I say hello.  Little things like that can make a person’s day and I need all the positivity I can muster or get myself when I’m running.  It’s good karma… Any way, I feel like few people will tell you why they listen to music or books on tape…because they NEED the distraction.  Once you understand this and can find ways to “rise above” your brain’s desire to get you to stop, it’s so worth it.  I compare it to learning the Jedi mind trick.   My brain screams at me “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!”.  It’s when you just keep going that the battle is won.  Sometimes I still hear the whispers “slow down and walk, you’re tired”…but you keep going…and in those moments, I experience mental clarity like I’ve never known. I guess that’s my “runners high”. 

For me, it’s not a “high” like you might think.  It’s probably the most clear and productive thinking I do.  I think about my kids, my wife, things we need to do around the house, our budget, our plans, etc…I just figure stuff out in those runs.  What “garbage” is in my life that I can cut out to allow myself to be a better version of myself?  Before you know it, the finish line is in my sights.  When I see it, there is a sense of accomplishment like anything I’ve ever experienced, but before I can even cross the finish line, that “runner’s high” gets sucked out of my mind and my legs suddenly feel like jelly and my lungs burn.  It’s usually the toughest quarter mile of the run for me for some reason.  

Another thing I feel runners don’t talk about (at least the ones I know) is what you feel like afterwards.  This time, I’m not talking about mentally, I’m talking physically.  I’m pushing 300 pounds so for me, my right knee (because it’s my planter foot) swells up to the size of a baseball.   I have to use frozen vegetable bags, ice, heating pads, icy hot, ACE wraps, Advil, you name it.  I’m out of commission the rest of the day. I’ve got my legs up, I’m on the couch, I’m conserving my trips up and down the steps to use the bathroom.  The day after is a little better, I’m not as swollen but I’m stiff and sore so I walk gingerly wherever I go.  I’ll see friends on FB posting pics doing yard work or out shopping after their races and the jealous person in me hopes their shopping bag splits open and their goods spill out onto the floor, or the rake in their hand gives them a splinter.  It’s wrong, I know, but I’m human.  I only have myself to blame for this.  I used to have a six pack of abs and was a gym rat and could have done all those extra things after a run but I stuffed my face and drank a ton of beer over the years and let myself get to this point so I have no one to blame but myself.  However, in a sick way, that’s motivating for me.  Soon I will be that guy that’s gets to do that.  It’s part of my journey…”journey” is the right word here because it’s NOT a sprint, it’s a marathon.  The only person I am racing out there, whether it’s a solo run or an event, is me.  I’m my only competition.

Being a big guy and running is not easy.  Shoot, being a fit person and running isn’t easy.  But, since the cardio is great for weight loss and for your heart and mind, it’s what I have to do.  There are other things that are important to your success running like proper shoes, stretching, eating properly, getting rest etc. but I’ll cover those along the way.  But for now I want to leave you with this…if you are out and about and see a runner, say “hi”.  Flash them a thumbs-up or a smile.  If you have small kids, get them to wave “hi”, that’s the best.  You never know what someone else is going through, or “why” they are running, or “what” they are thinking about while they are running.  A little gesture like that can go a long way for someone.  It helps me I can tell you that.